My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
