Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sponge bath it is.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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