i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
