remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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