UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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