i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
