How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
