He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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