i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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