How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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