remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
