I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
