so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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