Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
