I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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