remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
