She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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