I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
