I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
