when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
