I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
