Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
