i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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