So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
