Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I didn't notice because vodka
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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