yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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