my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
