I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize