i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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