she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
