I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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