It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize