Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize