some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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