you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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