After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
