My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
