is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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