Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize