I don't think brook has ever known best
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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