Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
