everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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