I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
