literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
