wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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