I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
