I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize