You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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