I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
