Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
