I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize