First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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