I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
