two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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