I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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