We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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