Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
