Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
