So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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