If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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