ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize