I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
