i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
