Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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