At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
