my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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