yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize