You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
