I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
