the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A+ Viking dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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