Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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