i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize