Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
