Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
