Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
