This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
