my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
