He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
