after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
