Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
