Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
