We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
