I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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