There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
