I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
