I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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