Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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