I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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