I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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