then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
