Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
whose parrot is this?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
