I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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