What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
