So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
