batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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