And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
